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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Traffic Court, part 2

If you remember, back in June (on my birthday, to be exact), I went to traffic court. Read all the thrilling details here:

Executive Summary:  It didn't go well

Anyhow, yesterday was my do-over day.  I had to be in Courtroom One at 8:30 am (Chattanooga).  I got up early, then proceeded to fiddle around for so long that I left myself zero breathing room.  I sat through the Entrance Ramp From Hell - I-75 South. Exit 25.  It's been designated the worst designed interstate entrance ramp in America by the B.I.S.S. (Because Ian Says So), for three years running.

I drove down the interstate behind the little old lady who was on her way to, I don't know, NOWHERE FAST!!!  

View from the perspective of the person she just ran over

I sped down I-75 so that I wouldn't be late to contest my speeding ticket (Don't even say a word.  Don't), and got to a parking space at 8:27. I had no change for the meter!! Drat!! Luckily, I was at one that would take my debit card.  I tied my tie in the car window ("winder" as we call 'em down here in real America), and went running into the courthouse, where I stood in line with my belt off and my pockets emptied.  I kept beeping.  I.dunno.why.  Finally, they decided that I wasn't a threat and let me through.  Kinda hurt my feelings.  I mean, I'm an imposing accountant...never mind.

OK - I got into the courtroom at 8:40, and they were already calling peoples names - I didn't know if they'd called mine. I didn't know if I should ask.  I decided to wait it out, and in a few minutes, the judge called me. Armed with a well practiced argument, I walked to the bench.  Three minutes later, with very little discussion, the ticket was dismissed.  I felt cheated out of my William Jennings Bryan moment (Scopes Monkey Trial, Dayton, TN - look it up), but left quickly before he could read my mind and look into my black, black soul.

I went to my car, where I DIDN'T have a parking ticket, then drove to a clients office, where I WASN'T impeded by red lights and bad drivers. Creepy, right?

Speaking of feeling cheated, do you feel cheated now that you've read this far only to realize that I had no real point when I started this, and am now out of things to say?


  1. i really don't have time to read everything you've ever written, so i think i will pick up here and start reading from now on. and yes, that means your obligation to be entertaining just escalated immensely. don't let me down.

    1. I shall endeavor to entertain in that case, Ace.